12/19/2023 0 Comments Like oh my god gag me with a spoonIt’s like “Call me, and ask about our low introductory APR.” The judges agree. Her voice is just fine - the best yet so far, in fact - but her onstage affect is lifeless. It’s distracting, but at least you’re thinking about a classic comedy instead of this uninspired performance. Jessica is wearing a red striped blouse that is very Dorothy Michaels in Tootsie. The judges have given up and are just entertaining themselves now. And he keeps her up there all the way up to the commercial. At first, her ease on his shoulders makes me think it must be one of his teenage daughters, but nope. I still like her.Īnd then Jena and Caleb duet on “It’s Only Love” by Bryan Adams and Tina Turner, and who cares, because during it, Harry goes out into the crowd and puts a teenage girl on his head. Also, she’s flat in all the song’s quiet moments, just because she’s saving her energy for the big notes. Why not “I Feel for You”? They don’t know how to make people look young on this show, they really don’t. This song (plus her styling) makes her seem about 35, when she should really be showing us how she’s going to be a bankable 16-year-old pop star. Malaya Watson: “Through The Fire” by Chaka Khan Anyway, this duet is boring, and they don’t even do the spoken-word parts. Now think about how afraid of black people the world must have been for the record company executives to choose “The Girl Is Mine” as the first single. Think of literally every other song on Thriller. Fun fact: This wet scoop of tuna salad is actually the first single from Thriller. The first is Sam and Alex taking on Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson’s “The Girl Is Mine,” which they actually manage to make less interesting. Oh, also, since Fox apparently has no half-hour shows to feature in a post- Idol slot, this will take two full hours, and the extra time will once again be eaten up with duets. This song is not so much a smart choice for Dexter as it is the only choice his brand of mall country didn’t have its first big crossover hits until the ’90s, and “Keep Your Hands to Yourself” is just twangy and homespun enough. The judges say a lot of words, and after they are finished, I am no closer to understanding whether they did or did not like the performance.ĭexter Roberts: “Keep Your Hands to Yourself” by the Georgia Satellites Also she is dressed in a way that would make 1995 Gwen Stefani say, “Yo, dial that down a little bit.” It is neither rock nor roll, and I do not love it. She’s like Tori Amos’s troublemaking kid sister Rachel Amos. Jena starts this song in the slowed-down piano arrangement it absolutely does not ask for. Jena Irene: “I Love Rock & Roll” by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts One of them is going to win, and I honestly don’t know if any of them deserve to. And the choice to score the montage to Duran Duran’s “Hungry Like the Wolf” really highlights the problem: None of these people is remotely hungry (or feral). The show begins with an endless montage of the top eight reacting to last week’s save of Sam Woolf, followed by each one saying their name and asserting that they are the next American Idol. Tonight, they give us the ’80s by way of the dreariest of the mope-rock ’90s and the coffeehouse aughts. Well! I should not have underestimated the season 13 top eight’s ability to suck the joy right out of everything. From the start, I’m dreading the Day-Glo. And American Idol never met a theme it couldn’t get utterly wrong. Eighties throwbacks tend to misunderstand the decade it always gets re-imagined as a nonstop parade of peppy synths and kicky topknots, when the reality was much more complex. As such, the idea of an American Idol ’80s night scares the parachute pants off me. I wear an off-the-shoulder Forenza sweater at all times, as a base layer.
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